Forbidden
by aevee
Summary: Zhen Ji Diao Chan shoujo-ai. Read the AN inside. "Do not love me Diao Chan, because it's forbidden, because I can never love you."


AN: I've been browsing around the DW section, and to my surprise, I've found no shoujo-ai stories at all! There're so many yaoi and shounen-ai stories, yet no shoujo-ai, so I decided to expand my reach and write the first. O' course, my choice of characters of solely based upon the fact that (in my opinion) they're the two most beautiful of the women in DW, nothing more. Heh heh...

PSAN: Please, don't review if you have something against the pairing, review if you have something good to say, or constructive criticism on the writing, not the pairing. If shounen-ai and yaoi stories can be written for this game, then shoujo-ai stories can most certainly be written as well.

WARNING: This is shoujo-ai (girl/girl) here, if it offends you, press backspace.

Why must everything I do, everything I touch, everything I want have to be forbidden? What's wrong with me? What have I done to be condemned to such a life? Did I ever cross paths with someone I shouldn't have and angered them? Did I turn against an almighty deity and cause them to place this irremovable curse upon me?

I know what I do is wrong. How can crossing the paths of two mighty warriors, father and son, and try to turn them against each other be right? How can trickery and deceit and false love be right? My existence in this palace is to lure two men, Dong Zhuo and Lu Bu, and play them into each other's hands, use one's weapon to kill the other. I am but a mere dancer, yet I can destroy two of the mightiest warriors outside of the three Kingdoms. Yet, in order to destroy one of them, I have to destroy myself.

Nobody understands the pain I'm in. My innocence was forsaken for the bigger scheme of things. _I_ was forsaken for the bigger scheme of things. If anyone found out about what exactly it is that I'm up to, what exactly will come about if I am to succeed, I would be put down as evil, deviously so. My beauty would only be looked upon as a demon's gift, assisting me in deceiving mankind and leading them into disaster. But I am not so. My innocence, my beauty, all is pure and true, it is only what I am forced to do that will bring about my own destruction.

I want to give up. I really do. I want to turn away from this treachery and simply forget that I was ever a part of it. I want to live a normal life, instead of having to steal and lie my way through everything. If I can't have what I want and must always do what others' want, why can I not just turn away and leave it all behind me? I can, and I will. I have one memory, one person that I can hold onto, I have one thing in my life worth living for now, and it will take me through whatever trials I must undergo. Zhen Ji.

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"Stay still!"

"Please, I do not wish to do this. Please, my lord, perhaps another night? I am not feeling well and..."

"You most certainly will not be feeling well if I am not satisfied!"

I trembled in fear as I gazed up at his once handsome face. Contorted in fury, it could have easily been mistaken for a demon's.

"Please my lord, you are hurting me!"

His grip on my wrists caused me to whimper in pain, but he didn't lessen it.

"If you do not wish to be hurt, then stop moving!"

Drops of saliva spewed from his mouth as he roared his anger and displeasure at me and I flinched in fear and disgust.

"But my lord-"

"Silence! I am your lord, do as I say!"

This wasn't right. This wasn't right! Lu Bu had unexpectedly barged into my chambers while I was in the midst of disrobing and had flung me onto my bed. Holding me down, he wrenched the rest of my remaining clothing off of me, removed his, and pinned me down with the weight of his body. His dark, tanned, muscular frame pressed up against my own delicate, fragile one, the flickering candlelight illuminated his face, full of fury. But the fury didn't scare me. I wasn't frightened because of his obvious displeasure, I was frightened of what would happen if I gave in to him.

"Please, Lord Lu Bu, I-"

"SILENCE!"

He glared at me as I trembled, then hissed venomously, "You will do as I say Diao Chan. I will be satisfied tonight, you will become mine. You are mine, Diao Chan. You are, in every way, mine, with the exception of your body. But I will claim that tonight. There is nothing you can do to stop me."

He stopped for a moment, staring at me.

"And why would you do anything to stop me, hm? Do you not love me anymore, my dear, sweet Diao Chan?"

As he said my name, he lifted a hand from my wrist and gently caressed my face. I fought the urge to jerk away from him.

"Does the beautiful nightingale not love the noble lord anymore?"

"I... Of course I love you my lord, I am Diao Chan," I closed my eyes, unable to will the fear and disgust out of them, "_Your_ Diao Chan."

When I opened my eyes again, Lu Bu as smiling down at me, an ugly leer.

"Of course, of course, _my_ Diao Chan. You belong to me. Your mind, your soul. Your body, Diao Chan, your body belongs to me. And I will take what is rightfully mine. I shall do that tonight. I will be satisfied, I will have what I want, or-"

He paused for breath, eyes glittering.

"Or what, my lord?"

His sneer widened.

"Do you really want to know, my innocent little nightingale?"

And then he pressed his lips hard onto mine. I fought back the scream and the bile that had risen into my throat, threatening to spill into Lu Bu's vile mouth. I needed release, I needed a way out, I needed deliverance.

A loud knock sounded on my door, followed by urgent shouting.

"Lord Lu Bu! Lord Lu Bu! We have her! We have her!"

Lu Bu pulled away from me, annoyance written all over his face.

"Lord Lu Bu! Lord Lu Bu!"

"SHUT UP!"

He got up from on top of me and grabbed his robe. Donning it, he reached the door, yanked it open with such force that it threatened to break away from its frame, and immediately grabbed the unfortunate underling messenger that had interrupted his pleasure, hoisting him into the air.

"You have interrupted me in a most inappropriate time, you imbecile. Pray that your message is of great importance, or you shall suffer my wrath!"

The messenger visibly paled and looked as though he was about to retch, but he swallowed and squeaked, "We have her, my lord."

"WHO!! Whom do we have?!!" 

The messenger gulped again before choking, "Lady Zhen, we have the Lady Zhen Ji."

Lu Bu dropped the messenger, who crumpled to the floor. Turning around to face me, he grinned. I clutched at the sheets and tried to cover myself up.

"Well my dear Diao Chan, it seems as though we cannot continue with our pleasures for tonight. I have pressing business that I must attend to. Excuse me," he bowed as he backed out of my room, kicking the messenger in the process, "Sleep well my dear, I shall see you in the morning."

And he was gone. Doors slamming shut, I waited for the footsteps and yelling to fade away completely before I let myself relax. Tears came all too easily, and I wept. I wept until slumber took me into a great land of nightmares, all with Lu Bu in them.

Morning came all too soon, and I found myself roughly woken by a piercing scream.

"Let me go! I order you vile creatures to let me go at once!"

Sitting bolt upright and startled by the sudden screaming, I realized that it was a woman's voice. There hadn't been any women within Lu Bu's palace since I'd first arrived. Groping around, I found a pink satin robe and threw it on before bolting out of the door towards the commotion.

"Now now my dear Lady Zhen, we don't want to have to bruise your delicate skin, now do we?"

Lu Bu was leering at a beautiful woman that I assumed was the Lady Zhen Ji. Her face was contorted in rage, and her response to Lu Bu's ungentlemanly taunting was to spit in his face.

"Release me at once you barbarian!"

"Silence!"

A great slap sounded, and I watched in shock as Zhen Ji's head jerked to the side from the force of Lu Bu's blow.

"You ungrateful wench!" Lu Bu took a deep breath to calm himself, then continued wryly, "Do you not wish to see your chambers?"

Zhen Ji glared at Lu Bu, obviously angered by his sarcasm and his insult, and her cheek still stinging from the slap, but she chose not to respond. Instead, her gaze fell upon me.

Time stopped. The entire world fell away from around me. All that was left in my world was Zhen Ji, only Zhen Ji. The moment her eyes locked with mine, everything fell away, and I simply gazed, awestruck, at the beautiful goddess in front of me.

But my waking dream shattered as Lu Bu noticed us looking at each other.

"Ah, I see you have met my little songbird. Diao Chan, where are your manners? This is Lady Zhen Ji of the Wei Kingdom."

Shaking my head ever so slightly to clear it, I inclined it briefly, unable to look away from Zhen Ji for a moment, and murmured, "Lady Zhen."

"Diao Chan, is it?"

At that moment, I learned to love my name. Her voice, her velvet tones made my name sound simply heavenly.

"Yes, my lady."

"I see. And you belong to-"

"Lord Lu Bu, my lady."

It pained me to say so, and for a moment, I sorely wished I could say that I belonged to her. The sudden thought scared me. Zhen Ji was about to say something, a serious frown clouding her face, but Lu Bu interrupted.

"Enough small talk. It seems that the Lady Zhen has found someone that she can get along with amiably. Diao Chan, show the Lady to her chambers."

"Yes, my lord."

The rogues restraining Zhen Ji released her at Lu Bu's command, and shoved her roughly towards me. She turned around immediately, facing Lu Bu, and I thought she would attack him. However, after a moment of heated silence, she turned back to face me again, deciding that she was no match for Lu Bu without some type of weapon.

"Well? What are you waiting for Diao Chan? Go!"

Lu Bu waved me off in the direction of the women's quarters, and I turned to go.

"Please, follow me my lady."

It wasn't long before we left Lu Bu and his bunch of scoundrels far behind. The various hallways of Lu Bu's stronghold proved to be quite confusing, and I requested for Zhen Ji to stay close.

"Where are we going?" Zhen Ji finally asked, breaking the awkward silence.

I could barely make out the words coming out of her beautiful mouth as I was lost in bliss at hearing the velvet sound of her voice.

"Hm, my lady?"

I turned my head to look back at her, and saw that Zhen Ji was smiling. The cheek that Lu Bu had struck was bright red, and telltale signs of swelling and bruising were beginning to emerge.

"My lady, your cheek!"

A slender hand reached up and touched the aforementioned cheek.

"It's alright. I've had worse."

She laughed at my shocked expression.

"Believe it or not, Diao Chan, but I am in every sense a warrior, no less so than Lu Bu."

I gazed, dumbfounded, at her, and walked straight into a wooden pillar. Crying out in surprise and pain, I backed away from the pillar, and consequently right into Zhen Ji.

"Are you alright?"

Zhen Ji had turned me around and was gazing worriedly at my head, a slender hand upon the throbbing spot on it. I could feel my face warming up rapidly.

"Yes, it doesn't hurt that much."

Hastily, I backed away from Zhen Ji, carefully avoiding hitting the pillar again. Zhen Ji gave me a weird look, but didn't say anything. After several minutes of silent walking, we reached Zhen Ji's chambers.

"Your chambers, my lady."

I opened the doors and stood to the side, letting Zhen Ji go in first. Big mistake.

"See you've finally arrived!"

Two of Lu Bu's henchman grabbed a hold of Zhen Ji and dragged her into the room. She cried out in surprise and instantly began struggling, but it was two against one, the odds were against her. I could only stand there and gaze in shock and horror.

"Let me go! Let me go you scoundrels!"

But they didn't. Dragging her to a chair, one of them held the struggling Lady Zhen down while the other bound and gagged her. Soon, all she could do was make muffled outraged sounds and glare at her captors. The two men laughed.

"Well, looks like we're done here. Let's go back to Lu Bu and tell him we're done."

And they left, leaving me to stare at the Lady Zhen Ji, who had, several seconds ago been walking right beside me, now sat, gagged and bound to a chair, glaring. Her gaze came upon me, and for a moment, it softened.

"Lady Zhen-"

I stopped when I felt a pair of arms slid around my waist.

"Well well, my dear Diao Chan, you have done well, exactly what I told you to do. My Lady of Wei, I do hope you enjoy your stay here in my palace."

He smiled his awful smile and tightened his grip around me. Zhen Ji didn't make an effort to try to talk, she simply gazed at me, long and hard. I watched as realization dawned, and her gaze hardened into a hatred-filled glare.

She thought I'd lured her into the room, into this mess. She thought I meant to do this.

"No! Lady Zhen, I-"

"Come now, my Diao Chan, let us go and spend the day in the garden by the lotus fountains, shall we?"

Before I could even answer, he pulled me away and out of the Zhen Ji's room. All I could do was gaze back into the room, through the closing doors, at Zhen Ji, who was scowling at me.

For days I refused to come out from my chambers. Lu Bu, who, had he had the time, would have barged into my chambers and dragged me out, seemingly forgot about me, too preoccupied with the Lady Zhen Ji. Her chamber was only several chambers away from mine, and her screams of protest and unladylike curses were easily heard by me. I often wondered why Lu Bu did not take advantage of her during these days, but later found out from talking henchmen that he had captured Lady Zhen in the first place to get ransom from the Wei Kingdom. Lu Bu already had enough to deal with with just the kidnapping, if any harm came to the Lady Zhen Ji, he would be in over his head.

It was about a week and a half before Lu Bu finally charged into my chambers.

"Diao Chan, have you been locked up in these chambers for the past week and a half?" 

"Yes, my lord."

"Why?" 

He seemed in a good mood as he sat at my table and drank his wine.

"Because I did not wish to leave them, my lord."

He set down his cup and gazed at me. I could tell from the redness in his face that he had had a lot to drink already, and was very drunk. He grinned at me.

"Why yes, I should have realized it earlier."

I swallowed, uneasy.

"Realized what, my lord?"

He got up from the table with a sudden movement, knocking the jar of wine onto the ground. It shattered with a mighty crash. Lurching towards me with drunken steps, he leered at me.

"My Diao Chan, how very thoughtful of you."

Reaching me, he threw his wine cup aside with an effortless toss of his hand, then gripped my arm, stopping me. I had been backing from him, trying desperately to escape. He stuck his face close to mine, and I could smell the wine in his breath.

"Waiting for me in your chambers, my dear Diao Chan, how very thoughtful. It is very frustrating, having such a beautiful woman captive, yet unable to take advantage of her. If it weren't for her military importance, she would be mine, no doubt."

He reached up with a sudden lurch and stroked my cheek.

"But I have you Diao Chan. I have my beautiful little songbird."

His hand gripped the front of my robes, and with a strong wrench, he ripped them off. I squealed in fright and tried desperately to cover myself up, but he pushed my hands away.

"No need to by modest Diao Chan, I have seen everything, haven't I?"

And he laughed mightily at his own joke, all while removing his own clothing. Before I could even think of how to escape, he had pushed me onto my bed and pinned me down with his body.

"This Zhen Ji business has put me off from what I was intending to do for a while now. But tonight, I will finish what I started."

He pushed his lips roughly onto mine, choking off my cry of protest, and I tried desperately to push him off of me. Feeling my hands on his chest, he eased up, glaring down at me.

"What is the meaning of this Diao Chan?!"

"Please my lord, do not do this!"

"WHAT?!"

"Not tonight my lord, please, I-"

"Enough! This has been put of for far too long! I will have your body Diao Chan, and I will have it tonight, whether you like it or not!"

He lifted a hand, ready to slap me, but the blow never came. Someone had burst in through the doors.

"Lord Lu Bu! Lord Lu Bu!" 

Before I heard to urgent cries for Lu Bu, for a fleeting moment, I thought it was Zhen Ji, coming to save me from a fate worse than death, but the yelling confirmed it only to be one of Lu Bu's henchmen. Lu Bu sprang up from on top of me and I clawed around for the sheets, covering myself up.

"GET OUT YOU DOG! GET OUT!"

He made for the henchman, who cowered in fear, but before he could strike the man down, the henchman cried, "It's the Lady Zhen my lord! She's going to drown herself!"

Lu Bu froze. I froze. The henchman continued to cower in fear.

Lady Zhen was going to drown herself.

Zhen Ji was going to die.

I sprang up, throwing my covers off, completely forgetting that there were other people in the room with me, and groped for something to wear. My hand found my pink satin robe. Throwing it on, I slid off the bed and prepared to spring out the door when Lu Bu's arm caught me full in the gut. I bounced back, winded.

"Stay here!"

He wrenched his robe on, and strode out the door. The henchman took one look at me and fled after his lord. I stayed, gasping for breath. I could hear Lu Bu shouting at the henchman, demanding how he could have let Zhen Ji escape.

Zhen Ji.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized just how deeply I cared about her. It would kill me if she died. And so, after regaining my breath, I bounded out the door.

In the darkness, I could see a group of lanterns by the bridge in the distance. In the lantern light, I could make out a solitary figure standing on the edge of the bridge, balanced precariously. I recognized the ornamental bird atop the figure's head.

Zhen Ji.

Forgetting that I was barefooted, forgetting that if I ran, I would ruin my feet, I sprinted towards the bridge. As I neared, I began to pick up voices, all pleading with the Lady Zhen Ji to not jump.

"Silence!"

It was Zhen Ji.

"Please, my lady, you must remain calm! You will be returned to Wei in due time. Please, Lady Zhen, step down from there, it's dangerous!"

Lu Bu. He was trying to reason with the Lady Zhen Ji, but I knew it would only anger her further.

"I will not stay here and let you collect the ransom that you demand of my ruler. I shall die before I will let you do that."

She lifted a foot up, preparing to step off of the bridge, and a cry was wrenched from my throat.

"NO!"

She turned, everyone turned, and they all gazed at me. I only gazed at Zhen Ji. I ran towards her, hoping she wouldn't jump, that I would get there in time, ignoring the pain in my feet, willing myself to run faster. In the lantern light, I could make out the look of surprise on her face, her lips moving silently.

"Diao Chan..."

I didn't notice the rock on the path. In an instant, I'd tripped and fallen flat onto the ground. I could hear Lu Bu's surprised intake of breath, but I paid him no heed. I got up again, grimacing in pain, and limped hurriedly towards Zhen Ji. When I finally reached her, she was still standing on the edge of the bridge, and she simply gazed down at me.

"Please, do not jump, Lady Zhen."

There was silence for several minutes. Finally, Zhen Ji spoke.

"You're bleeding."

She pointed down at my feet, and I looked down. Sure enough, the delicate soles of my feet were bleeding. I looked up, and for a moment, I could see genuine concern, but it instantly turned to hatred.

"Why should I not jump?"

"Lady Zhen-"

"But of course. When Lu Bu collects the ransom from my father-in-law, you will get part of it, won't you?"

She smiled, but it was an ugly smile.

"No, Lady Zhen, please, you do not understand-"

"What do I not understand?"

"Just do not jump, please!"

She turned away from me and faced the pitch-black surface of the water.

"Why should I not jump? What would it mean to you if I did?"

I didn't answer, and she stared out at the water. For a moment, everyone was silent, even the crickets stopped chirping. And then, she slowly lifted a foot, extended it over the water's surface, and leaned ever so slightly forward. Everything was instantaneous.

"NO!" Lu Bu's cry of horror. It was ruined, his plan was ruined.

"NO!" My own cry of horror. My life was ruined.

Lu Bu sprinted forward, trying his best to reach Zhen Ji before she fell into the water. I sprang forward. My arms found their way around Zhen Ji's waist, and I pulled her back with all my might. We crashed backwards, back to the ground. I lay there, completely winded, Zhen Ji sprawled on top of me.

"Seize her!"

Lu Bu's henchmen, having recovered from their shock, jumped forward and seized the still stunned Lady Zhen and hauled her up. I gasped for breath.

"NO! Let her go!"

The henchmen froze, unsure, and looked at Lu Bu for further instructions. I was only a mere dancer, but it was common knowledge within the palace that Lu Bu favoured me, and to not listen to me would mean dealing with Lu Bu's wrath.

"Diao Chan-"

"Let her go! Please, my lord!"

"What is the meaning of this?"

His voice lowered to an angry hiss.

I looked away from Lu Bu's furious gaze and instead found myself staring at Zhen Ji. Her face was unreadable.

"Well?! Explain yourself, Diao Chan!"

I couldn't find the words. How could I explain myself to Lu Bu? Instead, I remained still, staring at Zhen Ji.

"WELL?!"

"Lord Lu Bu, I-"

"Diao Chan?"

My breath was whisked away from me as I turned to look at Zhen Ji.

"Yes, my lady?"

She gazed at me, her hard stare seemingly piercing right through me. There was something in her eyes, but I couldn't identify it.

"Stop."

"What?"

"Stop. Just stop."

I gaped at her.

"If you're trying to win me over, it's not working. Having Lu Bu lust after the Wei Kingdom's money is already bad enough, don't you waste your time over it too. Because," she paused for breath, leering at Lu Bu before turning back to me, "you getting the money is never going to happen. So just stop, you're sucking up isn't working."

She sneered at me, and if it hadn't been for the flickering in her eyes, I would have run away, deeply hurt. That something in her eyes told me that maybe, just maybe, she didn't mean a word she'd said, that she didn't mean the hatred behind the sneer. She turned away from me without another word, as though I wasn't worth her time. I turned back to look at Lu Bu, who looked a lot calmer than he'd been several moments before.

"Ah. I see. Well, Diao Chan, it seems as though there is one person in the world who can resist your charm."

He looked hard at Zhen Ji for a moment, ignoring the fact that she was glaring at him.

"Diao Chan, you will escort Lady Zhen Ji back to her chambers. You two, follow her."

He nodded his head at the two henchmen holding onto Zhen Ji, and they nodded in return.

"Yes, my lord."

I didn't dare look at Zhen Ji as I turned away, afraid that I would find tears in my eyes if I did. Zhen Ji didn't make any move to try to protest.

By the time we reached her chambers, I was a nervous wreck. Walking in through the doorway, I turned around in time to see the two henchmen shove Zhen Ji into the room roughly. They grinned at me before turning around to leave.

"We'll let you take care of her Diao Chan, you and your _charm_."

Laughing raucously, they walked off, leaving me to stand a little ways off from Zhen Ji, staring nervously at her. She crossed her arms and returned my stare, albeit without the nervousness.

"Well? Aren't you going to tie me down to the chair or something?"

She nodded towards the chair, complete with ropes.

"N-no!"

She smirked.

"Why not? Aren't you afraid that I'll run out the door before you can stop me?"

"Yes, I am."

"Then why aren't you tying me down?"

"Because I don't want to."

She frowned.

"Are you trying to be difficult?"

"Of course not, my lady, it's just..."

"Just what?"

I sighed.

"Can't you tell that I'm not part of what Lu Bu is planning? Can't you tell that I don't want to harm you? Can't you tell that it absolutely revolts me that you have to be tied down?"

She was silent for a moment, apparently in deep thought.

"Then, would you assist me in escaping?"

The answer came automatically.

"No."

She smiled.

"Ha. And you're not part of the heist for Wei money, hm?'

"I'm not!"

"Then why won't you help me escape?"

"Because... Because..."

"Yes?"

"Because... Because I don't want you to leave!"

"And why not?"

She looked genuinely perplexed.

"Because..."

"Because what Diao Chan?"

"I... I can't tell you."

"And why not?"

"I just can't. I'm sorry my lady." Taking a deep breath, I continued, "Shall I help you prepare for bed?"

I stood to one side and gestured towards the bed and the bucket of water for washing that was standing on the table.

"Diao Chan-"

"Please, my lady, the water is getting cold."

She gave me a long, hard look, but walked towards the bucket of water nonetheless. She splashed her face several times before taking the face towel that I held out for her and wiped her face dry. I took the towel from her and turned to go when she called me back.

"Diao Chan?"

"Yes, my lady?"

She stared at me for several moments, before shaking her head.

"Nothing. You may go."

"Goodnight, my lady."

I walked out the door to find two henchmen standing on either side of the door. I exited and they closed the door and lowered a bar across it, firmly shutting it. They bid me goodnight, and I disappeared into my chambers after dropping off the towel.

It was well into the deep of the night when I heard the small creak of the door, signalling that someone was entering my chambers. My hand automatically tensed around the small kitchen knife that I had put underneath my pillow for means of safety, and I tried in vain to see who it was. The darkness was just too complete, I couldn't even make out the outline of the figure. Within seconds, the trespasser had reached the side of my bed, looming over me, and I could make out a vague patch of darkness moving. The person was extending their hand towards me. In an instant, I'd thrust the knife upwards, towards the person's throat, and in that same instant, a cloud moved aside, allowing moonlight to filter in through the window, and I caught sight of the ornamental bird atop the person's head.

Zhen Ji.

My hand froze, bringing the knife to a stop, blade pressed against Zhen Ji's neck.

"Zhen... Zhen Ji?"

There was no answer to my breathless question. I could hear Zhen Ji's soft breathing, and my own loud heartbeat, but there was no response from her. I sat up slowly, careful to keep the knife from pressing any deeper into Zhen Ji's creamy white throat, and tried to calm my pounding heart. More moonlight spilled in, and it illuminated her.

"Zhen Ji... How did you-"

I stopped abruptly as her hand came up. I felt a gentle finger rest against my lips. She shook her head ever so slightly.

"Now's not the time, Diao Chan."

Her finger slowly slid away from my lips, leaving them to feel cold where it had been. My breath left me as Zhen Ji leaned closer, so close that our noses brushed against each other. The knife dropped from my suddenly limp hand.

"Wha- What are you doing here?"

I could feel Zhen Ji smile at the breathlessness of my whisper as she leaned in even closer. Our lips brushed against each other ever so briefly, and I suddenly found myself yearning for her to press her lips onto mine again.

"I've come to tell you something, Diao Chan."

With each word, her lips brushed against mine, and I felt myself instantly melt.

"Do not love me Diao Chan."

And she pulled back, robbing me of the warmth that had surrounded my face, of the sudden pleasure of feeling her lips brush against mine.

"W-what?"

"Do not love me."

I gazed at her, shocked. What did she mean? She turned around and strode towards the door without another word, and I found myself breathless. I gasped, and Zhen Ji turned around briefly to look at me, before turning away and placing a hand on the door, preparing to open it and leave me.

"Wait!"

I bound out of bed and dashed towards her. She made no move to acknowledge me.

"Where are you going?"

"Away. I'm leaving."

"Leaving?"

"Escaping, if you prefer me to phrase it that way."

"Escaping?"

"Yes."

"But-"

"Diao Chan, I'll repeat myself again. Do not love me."

My body, tense, suddenly became limp.

"Why... Why not?"

She turned her head slightly, glancing back at me.

"Because it's forbidden."

Helplessness welled up inside me.

"Forbidden?"

"Yes, forbidden."

I gave a derisive laugh.

"Forbidden."

I laughed again.

"I am Diao Chan! Everything about me is forbidden!"

Zhen Ji turned around to face me.

"Zhen Ji, I ask you this, and answer me honestly. Forbidden is but a pitiful excuse." 

I stared at her, trying to read her expression, but it was in vain.

"Tell me Zhen Ji, why can I not love you?"

She was silent for some time, simply looking at me, but I stared defiantly back. She answered, and the answer shook me.

"Because I can never love you."

She turned away, moved forward to go, but I flung my arms around her waist, stopping her.

"Diao Chan, let me go."

"No!"

"I've told you before Diao Chan! Do not love me, for I can never love you! Just let me go!"

"No!"

I couldn't believe this. I couldn't believe her.

"Zhen Ji, is it that you can never love me, or that you can never admit that you love me?"

She froze, stiffened in my arms.

"I..."

"Answer me!"

She turned in my arms with a sudden move and my eyes widened as she pressed her lips roughly onto mine. She pulled away and looked at me with flashing eyes.

"Does that answer your question?"

She pried my arms from around her and pushed the door open. Stepping out, she turned to walk away from me, walk away from me for forever, but she turned back to whisper her last words to me.

"Diao Chan, do not love me, because it's forbidden, because I can never let you know, let you remember, that I love you too. But..."

There was a long pause, as we both gazed at each other.

"But I do love you. And I want you to know that. Do not dwell upon me, upon something you can never have, Diao Chan, but please, please never forget that I do love you. I love you. A forbidden love."

And she was gone.

xxxxxxxxxxx

She loves me. A forbidden love, yes, but she loves me.

My name is Diao Chan. Everything about me is forbidden. Why should my love be any different?

Dong Zhuo is dead, slain by Lu Bu. Lu Bu has been captured by Cao Cao, set to be executed for treachery. My work at Lu Bu's palace is done, I am free. I have been forsaken for this task, but I have found a way to redeem myself. My soul, previously to have thought to be doomed, has been saved by a certain lady of Wei. Lu Bu has lost his faithful songbird, had lost her since the time he executed his plan of kidnapping Lady Zhen Ji. I am free to do what I please, and the first thing shall be to reclaim my soul its guardian.

Zhen Ji. My forbidden lover.


End file.
